CONSENT: It’s either Yes or No
“At the heart of consent is the idea that every person has a right to personal soverignity– the right to not be acted upon by someone else in a sexual manner unless they give that person permission”.
More than once, I have told my children that their body belongs to them and because of that, they have the right to protect their body through any means available to them. Consent shows human respect. Consent means, ” I respect you and I will protect your interests”. Consent is an agreement. Even for business partners, in work places and in any form of relationship, they must be an agreement, a concession to carry on with the proposed deal either written or verbally.
Consent leaves no room for assumption. You don’t assume that someone wants to have sex with you because he or she visited you or went out for a drink with you. Consent can be given through cues and body language. Someone may not be expressive with words but will demonstrate some behaviours that will enlighten the partner on how he /she feels at the moment.
I may agree to do something yesterday but that doesn’t mean that I will agree to the same thing today. It is the same with sexual activity. Sexual activity with a partner on an agreed day doesn’t mean that the same will happen on another day. Consent can be withdrawn and given at any time. Withdrawal of consent at critical times (eg, when someone has been sexually aroused) may not be easily accepted by the other partner. Situations like this have led to sexual assault/rape, etc. In my opinion, the best bet is to let the partner know before things become intimate that there will be no penile penetration or that you can only kiss and not perform any other form of oral sex on the person. Partners should clarify what they want before they get intimate and people’s choices should be respected. Partners should not take kissing, petting, flirtations, manner of dressing only as an invitation to sex. Always get a verbal consent or pay attention to signals. There is always a price to be paid when you ignore signals. Getting someone drunk and incapacitated to make decisions is not consent. It is a form of abuse also.
Pressuring someone into sex by fear or intimidation is not consent. Some people have got themselves in situations where they are boxed in and are at the risk of being sexually assaulted. One basic thing you should remember is that it is not your fault that the other person is acting in that way. Everyone is responsible for his own action. There are some tips you can utilize to help you get away from such situations.
- Trust your instincts. It will never lie to you.
- Have a code word which you can use to call out for help either through a short phone call or message.
- We hear that “liars go to hell” but the only time lying is permissible is when you have to lie your way out of an impeding sexual assault or danger.
- Be calm and think of an escape route. Being calm helps you access the situation, get acquainted with your environment and see possible escape routes.
Consent is very necessary in every aspect of life that involves another person. It makes both parties happy and gives room for honest disclosure.
REFERENCES:
Sexual Assault Prevention and Awareness Center. University of Michigan.
Rape,Abuse and Incest National Network. (RAINN)
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